Back-to-School Advice for Gay Dads: How to Talk to Your Kid’s Teachers About Inclusion

Posted by Gaddies on August 07, 2025

An Interview with Bryan Stanton, Queer Educator & Founder of Teaching While Queer

Back-to-school season can be a lot, especially when you're a queer parent wondering how to make sure your child is supported, seen, and safe. Should you email your kid’s teacher ahead of time? What’s the right way to talk about your family structure? How do you advocate for your child without going in “guns blazing”?

We sat down with Bryan Stanton (they/them) , a middle school educator, longtime parent, and founder of Teaching While Queer, to get their take on how LGBTQ+ families can build real partnerships with their child’s school.

Bryan has been in education for 13+ years, teaches musical theater, and is raising kids ranging in age from 11 to 22. Below are their biggest takeaways for gay dads and queer families getting ready for the school year ahead.

"The same way you’d tell a teacher your child has a peanut allergy, you can also say, ‘My kid has two dads. Here’s how we refer to ourselves at home.’"

How Should Gay Dads Reach Out to Teachers at the Start of the Year?

Bryan’s #1 piece of advice: Be upfront and direct.

Teachers are trying to understand the full picture of a student, not your private life. Sharing family structure and emotional context (e.g., anxiety around Mother’s Day) helps educators support your child proactively.

Bryan also notes that using inclusive language (like “grownups” or “adults at home” instead of “mom and dad”) helps set the tone and signals to teachers that you're paying attention to how all families are represented.

Advocating for Your Family Without Over-Correcting

We get it. The instinct to protect your kid, especially in uncertain school or political environments, is strong.

But Bryan urges gay dads not to assume a fight before there is one:

“I’ve seen gay dads come in swinging, saying, ‘You better not have a problem with our family.’ And the teacher hasn’t even had a chance to introduce themselves. That shuts down trust before it starts.”

Instead, start with the assumption that the teacher wants to support your kid . Build the relationship. And escalate only if something happens that requires it.

Who to Talk to If Something Does Go Wrong

If you’ve raised a concern with a teacher and nothing’s changed, here’s Bryan’s recommended path:

Talk to school administration.
If that fails, contact district administration.
If the issue remains unresolved and impacts your child’s rights or well-being, seek legal advice.

(Disclaimer: This is not legal advice, just lived experience and insight from the classroom.)

Navigating Visibility as a Queer Parent

Feeling nervous about showing up to back-to-school night, a PTA meeting, or a school performance? You’re not alone.

“The only way to normalize things is to go and show up,” Bryan says. “You have to work through the discomfort. Your kid needs to see that you’re proud to be their parent.”

If you're feeling anxious about being visible as a queer family, Bryan recommends:

Working through those feelings with a therapist or support network
Vetting the school ahead of time to make sure it feels safe to be yourself
Making space for joy: show up, say hello, and normalize your family simply by existing

Navigating VisibEducation Related Resources for LGBTQ+ Families

Bryan recommends two organizations that support queer students, educators, and families:

GLSEN – https://www.glsen.org
Offers research, guides, and tools for safer, more inclusive schools.
PFLAG – https://pflag.org
While traditionally supporting parents of LGBTQ+ youth, PFLAG resources can also be adapted for queer parents advocating for their kids.

And of course, check out Bryan’s organization:
🌈 Teaching While Queer – https://teachingwhilequeer.org

Bryan Stanton (they/them) is a queer educator, parent, and founder of Teaching While Queer. They currently teach middle school musical theater and are building community for queer educators nationwide.