When the Family Tree Project Doesn’t Fit Every Family

We knew it was coming. And it finally happened.

Like many adoptive and “non traditional” families, we knew a family tree assignment was coming and that it could get complicated.

On Monday night, our daughter Anna opened her homework folder and spread out the classic “family tree” worksheet on the kitchen table. Within minutes, frustration set in.

“I don’t live with my mommy,” she said. “I live with Daddy and Papa!”

When she realized that her mom’s side also didn’t fit the template—her mom was raised by two women—her frustration grew. 

The assignment assumed a single model of family that didn’t reflect our reality, or many of her classmates’ either.

We sat down with Anna to talk it through and reminded her that every family looks different. But we also knew we could do more to help her teacher understand why this project, as written, doesn’t work for every child.

So Tod (my husband) got creative. He designed a new version of the family tree—one that celebrated Anna’s real family—and drafted a thoughtful letter to her teacher.

Anna had several questions about the family tree worksheet sent home this week. We’ve always been open with her about her adoption and biological family, so she was eager to include everyone, but even her birth mother’s family is non-traditional.

With adoptions, single-parent families, children raised by grandparents, and blended families through divorce and remarriage, many students may struggle completing a traditional family tree, not just families like ours.

Thanks to a computer and a copier, I created a version that fits Anna’s life. But not all families have that luxury.

For your consideration, I’ve attached a few inclusive family tree templates. You might also try alternate formats, like placing the student’s name in the center of a target or web, then working outward to show the adults who play important roles in their lives. These versions can include everyone who helps shape a child’s world.

We aren’t upset, just grateful for the chance to turn this into a teachable moment.

Sincerely,

Tom & Tod

We didn’t get angry. We didn’t complain. We simply offered another way to make the assignment work for every family. 

Our hope is that the teacher, and maybe others who read this, will consider updating the project so that all students—whether adopted, in blended families, or with same-sex parents—can participate with pride instead of confusion.

Family isn’t defined by a worksheet. It’s defined by love, care, and the people who show up every day.

If you’re a teacher or parent looking to make your classroom more inclusive, here are some excellent resources:

•  Family Tree Alternatives – Bored Teachers  Creative ways to reimagine family projects for all types of families.
  
  
  

•  Supporting Students from Non-Traditional Families – Edutopia  How to use social stories and other tools to help every student feel seen.
  
  
  

• Why It’s Time to Ditch the Family Tree Project – Bored Teachers Brilliant ideas for replacing the old-school family tree altogether.