The Gaddies’ Guide to “Where's the Mom?”

If you’re a gay dad, you’ve probably been asked these questions (a lot!):

“Where’s the mom?”
Or maybe:
“Dads' day out! Giving mom the morning off, huh?” 
Or worse:
“Who’s their real mom?”

These questions range from clueless to rude. Some people are genuinely curious. Others… not so much. Either way, you’re suddenly forced to explain, defend, or educate your life and family—often when you least feel like it.

So how do you respond?

First, know this: there is no right way to answer

Your response might depend on your comfort level, the setting, and how much emotional energy (and iced coffee) you have left in the tank that day. Ask yourself:

• Do I feel safe answering honestly?

• Do I have the energy for a longer convo?

• Do I just want to get through my grocery run in peace?

All of those are valid questions to ask yourself—because whatever your answer: that’s valid.

Still, these moments happen. Often. So here are a few responses we’ve heard from other dads in our Gaddies community. See what resonates with you, and maybe you’ll find a new line to add to your toolbox.

“They have two dads.”

• “It’s simple and to the point. I’m nicer than my husband. When I answer I usually give it a smile. My husband says it with a bit more zing, making it clear he’s annoyed.”

Short, honest, and sets a boundary. Bonus: your tone can say as much as your words.

“I’m his dad.”

• “I’m a single dad so I tend to just respond very plainly and make it clear in my tone that there isn’t room for follow-up. This doesn’t always work so I sometimes have to say that our family is myself and the kid. Then they usually get it.”

This kind of answer works great when you want to draw a clear boundary without getting into details. Firmness is okay.

“She’s at the store.”

• “Sometimes I don’t have the energy and want the conversation to end as quickly as possible. But my kid is young and I know when they get older, that’s not the answer I want them to hear. But for now, that’s usually how I respond even if I know the question is asked in a friendly manner.”

This is the "get out of the convo fast" answer, and we’ve all been there. It’s a temporary fix, not a long-term strategy—especially as your kids start to understand these moments and look to you for cues. But if it gives you breathing room when you need it, that’s okay too.

"Why do you ask?"

• “I'll ask the question back and people usually get uncomfortable and leave or change the subject.”

Flip the script. Sometimes, the best response is a question right back:

A gentle way to call attention to the awkwardness of the question, or start a real conversation—if you're up for it.

Educate (if you want to)

Sometimes it feels right to explain your family structure. That’s generous—but never required. Protect your energy.

The Bigger Picture

Every time you're asked something like, “Where’s the mom?”, your child is likely within earshot. They’re listening not just to the question, but to how you respond. That’s why it's so important to find responses that feel aligned with your values and your parenting.

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. Some days you’ll have the perfect comeback, other days you’ll shrug and move on. That’s parenting.

What About You?

How do you respond when someone asks, “Where’s the mom?”

Drop your go-to line in the comments—we’d love to hear it!